20 Mar The 4Cs of Relationships interview on the WURD UP Radio Show

Philadelphia Radio Show Host Gregory Nesmith interviews me about my response to the Elite Daily article on Dating Purgatory.  The content of the show is great and The 4Cs of Relationships interview begins at around minute 37 of the hour long show.

Listen here:

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18 Mar What Happens After Cuffing Season?

I recently moderated a fun panel discussion including Barrington the Bachelor, Renita the Relationship Expert and Torian the Married Guy on the 4Cs of Relationships as it pertain to cuffing season.  Cuffing season is defined as follows: “During Fall and Winter people who would normally rather be single find themselves desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a relationship (or in some form of organized companionship). The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become more open to being cuffed.”

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19 Nov The Drama of the Modern Day Wedding

Today on FB one of my friends posted the following:

“I understand why people elope.”

And many of the commenters agreed with her due to drama and costs associated with the modern day wedding.

Ok, so I thought about this a while ago and I don’t actually think weddings were always so much drama. I think that dating and relationships and weddings have gotten out of control recently because culture has changed drastically yet the rules that govern relationships are just as they always were.

For example, when it comes to weddings…back in the day people used to get married at church. Just like they get baptized at church, dedicate/christen babies at church or get funeralized at church. Afterall, a wedding is a religious ceremony just like all of the others right? Also, folks got married at a time in life when they didn’t have anything, so it was largely the parents funding the shindig and inviting mostly their friends to the reception. I think it was even tradition for the engagement ring to be a family jewel passed down and women back in the day actually could sew and many made their own wedding dresses or wore the ones preserved that were passed down.  So basically a wedding was a church ceremony followed by your parents throwing you a dinner party and inviting their friends to give you gifts to start your life.

Fast forward to now…the bride and the groom fund the event so it has to be lavish for no good reason (Sadly, I’ve seen lavish weddings result in divorces), we don’t even think to use churches as venues anymore but venues that cost an arm and a leg, and because we are the ones throwing it, we invite our friends and ask them to give us gifts which is where most of the drama comes from. So I agree with the idea of eloping or just getting back to the simplicity of a traditional wedding to cut costs and drama. What would be wrong with a simple wedding in that nice backyard of your parent’s house or in the church? What would be so wrong about altering a preserved dress or making your own? What would be so wrong with a guy giving a family jewel instead of spending the equivalent of a downpayment on a house on a ring?

Why are we so committed to creating such a lavish, fairytale, wedding experience?

Vintage Wedding Pic Wedding Decor

Wedding pic from the 40s/50s juxtaposed with over the top wedding reception decor from a modern day wedding.

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09 Nov The 4Cs of Relationships eBook is Live!!!

The 4Cs of Relationships eBook is up at the following websites:

iTunes: Search ‘The 4Cs of Relationships” in Books

You can also click on the eBook icon on the website to purchase it.

Please leave a review on whichever outlet you choose for purchasing.



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07 Nov 5 Reasons Why I Wear My Boyfriend’s Sweats

5. Because they are made better than mine: Clothing manufacturers must know that men are harder on clothing than women so they make men’s clothing much more durable. I honestly believe that men would ruin a garment made at the standard of women’s clothing before they left the store.  So yes, I like to wear his sweats because they are heavy duty.  So if I’m gonna do something that requires durable clothing, I’m reaching for his!

4. Because they are warmer than mine: Again, men’s clothing is just made better. So if I am actually wearing a hoodie or sweats for the purpose of staying warm, I will grab his.  Come to think of it, his socks are also warmer than mine, hmmm

3. Because he left them here: If he didn’t want me to wear them, he should’ve taken them with him. I think he leaves his stuff around my house for a few reasons.  Part of me feels like it is some sort of instinctual dog-marking-territory sort of thing.  But I also recognize that having his stuff here enables him to be comfy when he comes over.  He must also want me to wear them.

2. Because I can: My boyfriend happens to be slim and I am curvy, but just like in the Color Purple with Harpo and Miss Sophia when Celie made pants for them, somehow they fit! And because they are men’s pants, they are completely shapeless and therefore don’t judge me or my waist for eating a little more than usual. They fit like a big and roomy blanket that was sewn together in a way that enables me to move around the house easily! Also, I’m an entrepreneur who usually works from home, therefore his sweats are more times than not my working from home wardrobe.

1.Because they smell like him: This is super sappy but yes, his clothes smell like him. Like not in a nasty, just worked out kind way.  But like he just threw this hoodie on over his clothes and it picked up a hint of his cologne mixed with his essence.  Cue butterflies and harps, LOL!

So I wear his sweats because it is basically like getting a full body hug from a super cozy and warm, durable blanket that smells like my man.  Yep, I’ll go for that!


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05 Nov Thoughts on Elite Daily Article on Relationship Purgatory

Recently Elite Daily published an article titled ‘Why Staying In Dating Purgatory Is Ruining Our Shot At Real Love’  The article defines non-relationships or complicated ‘situationships’ that aren’t really feeding our desire to be loved and aren’t even progressing in the direction of love as dating purgatory. It then goes on to explain that that Gen Y-ers have mastered this dating purgatory thing and therefore are self-sabotaging any shot at a relationship that does provide us with the love that we long to receive.  Read the article here

This article got me thinking about why this is the case.  Are we, the Gen Y-ers, the Millennials, a love hating generation of non-feelers?  Do we actually desire to be loved less than generations before us?  Are we intentionally sabotaging our opportunities for real love?  I think not.  I honestly do not believe that we desire to be loved any less than generations before us.  Nor do I think we began our dating lives with the goal of creating the so called situation-ships or non-relationships or Friends-With-Benefits-ships that plague our dating lives today.  So why is it that our generation has mastered this dating purgatory?

Relationship purgatory is the consequence of putting our careers first.  I don’t know many people in the Gen-Y or Millennial generation who are living in the same town where they were raised.  These generations moreso than any before, move all over the country and world to get educated and take advantage of career opportunities.  This has the unpleasant effect of putting relationships lower on our list of priorities.  This isn’t limited to romantic relationships but friendships and family-ships also suffer.  We have disconnected from siblings and parents as well as the community that raised us for the privilege of a college education.  We then move on from college and disconnect from friends that we became adults with to take advantage of career opportunities in different cities or even countries.  These are great opportunities that have come at a high price and our families, friends and society at large is encouraging us with gusto to take advantage of them.  However, this is the very thing that introduces the notion of relationship purgatory.  We get less and less sticky as we lose touch with the family and close friends who loved us for no reason other than they just did and make casual friends of convenience or friends who are our friends for superficial reasons.  We lose connections with our families and create new ‘framilies’ (framily = a group of friends that serve as replacement for family) and as the Elite Daily article highlights we also begin to take a casual approach to dating.

Our generation has to recognize that the same metaphorical hands that generations before us used to grip love and relationships, we have used to grip new educational and career opportunities.  We didn’t knowingly let go of relationships.  Many of us don’t even realize that we are treating relationships casually. This is all we know.  Understanding that we have unconsciously let go of relationships in relentless pursuit of career opportunities will enable us to be more careful of getting and staying in dating purgatory as well as all other relationship purgatories moving forward. We as a generation will have to be intentional about holding on to our ability to be present in ALL relationships.  We will need to call our parents, nieces and nephews and siblings and go out of our way to strengthen family relationships and reconnect with old friends.  Strengthening relationships with people who know and love us will fill us with the love we naturally desire.  It will enable us to bring our whole selves into a romantic relationship and be more comfortable moving on if the situation isn’t optimal.  We can do it my Gen-Y and Millennial brothers and sisters!  #LEGGO

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Miss, Mrs, Ms...

03 Nov Miss, Mrs, Ms…

Ever wonder what the difference is between the prefixes Miss, Mrs, and Ms for women?  Whenever filling out forms online or paper documents there seem to be multiple options for prefixes for women.  Miss is a prefix for women who have never been married, a maiden you may say.  Mrs. Denotes that woman is married, a matron.  Ms is used for divorced or widowed women or women who wish to not state whether they are single due to never having been married or due to divorce or being widowed.

Why do we need these varying prefixes?  I supposed back when marriage was a more prevalent part of western culture it helped to know which women who were available and those who weren’t.  There was a time when women were defined largely by their marital status.  i.e. Mrs. Johnson was more of an extension of Mr. Johnson and Miss Jones was the daughter of Mr. Jones moreso than there individual selves.  I would imagine this construct added quite a bit of value during past cultural constructs.

What do these prefixes mean for our society today?  In a world where women have access to education they could have the Dr. prefix.  Are they any less or more of a woman?  I know couples where the woman is a Dr. and the man isn’t and when they are approached by someone who doesn’t know which is the Dr. it is assumed the man is.  Like Mr. and Dr. Johnson just feels wrong, surely it should be Dr. and Mrs. Johnson!   Are these prefixes merely remnants of a past world where women’s marital status need be announced even before her name, or do they actually add value even today?

I ask this question because I rather like the prefix Miss.  I use it because I’m not married but also because I like it.  To me it adds a bit of personality to my name.  I don’t feel as if I’m oppressing myself by abiding by a cultural norm that existed in a time that wasn’t as open to women being individuals.  Surely after marriage I will change it to Mrs.  However when people see me write my name using Miss in front of it, women and men alike cringe.  I suppose in a world where women are defined by much more than their marital status or the men to whom they are married these prefixes are no longer necessary.  I just don’t find them cringe-worthy or demeaning.  After all, my first name remains the same whether I’ve married, divorced, or earned a professional degree…I am ME!

What do you think?  Miss? Mrs.? or Simply Ms.?

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